So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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