I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
