I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize