uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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