Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
