I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
