my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
