While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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