A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
