I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize