I hate your face
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
