Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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