After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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