I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
