Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
where does the pee come out of this thing
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
