Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
