So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
