My hand turned me down
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize