I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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