it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
this just has baby written all over it
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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