didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
