I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
