Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
