What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
