Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
