Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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