my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
