She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
