no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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