So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize