It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
