She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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