actually, I'm a sock model
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
