If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
