He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
