Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
