gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
