he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
