This girl is more easily done than said...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
