I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
