a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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