She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my sisters under your porch take her home
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
