What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Farmville is her only friend.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
