Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
