What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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