You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
