i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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