He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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