Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
