well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
