I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
the raccoons are back...
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