pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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