I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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