Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
