batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
