You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
