i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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