I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
