Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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