apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
