Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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