i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
