Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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