My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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