Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
