I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
