I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
