I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
