Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
