Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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