I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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