who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
