You're so nebulous sometimes
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
