He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Drake has all the answers
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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