i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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