You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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