Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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