who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize