She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
