Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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