i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
