Buhtt sex?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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