I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
