I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
