May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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