im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
