I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
