why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
