hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
