They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
