You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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