If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
