The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize