Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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