Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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