I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
