If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
