I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
