I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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