Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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