you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
