New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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