Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
